Papa and Mama were worried about me. I was not myself during those times. Even in school, I was absent for a month even though I was physically present.
Fear was at its peak. I was paralyzed.
All because of these issues that have plagued me - concerning the unpardonable sin and assurance of salvation.
Before all of these happened. I was deep into reading the systematic theology of Berkhof and Bible Study Guide of Wilmington. Now, I came across the verses in Matthew and Mark on the unpardonable sin. Suddenly it hit me - was it possible that I have committed it? If yes, then I am doomed. My life has no meaning anymore.
I confided to a few regarding this problem of mine. I talked to my parents, my sister, some people in church concerning the assurance of salvation - but I never opened up about the unpardonable sin. I never had the courage to open it up. In the end, I got encouragements, most of it telling me that it is just a normal phase I was going through. For me, it was hard to admit that time that I am having a crisis of faith - not me, a Sunday school goer, an active youth member of the church coming from a family of one with strong faith in God.
Finally, I got over the fear of having committed it. I forgot how, but probably, I tried reading all interpretations of the verses from the Bible experts. I won't dwell much on the mechanics and technicalities of the verses, but it dawned on me that I have not committed such sin, only those who have a hardened heart and have absolute certainty of what's right but still rejecting and maligning it would have committed such a sin.
One major problem down. The month after, I was myself again.
But yes, like a fallen glass, I may have been mended, but the cracks were still there.
I have yet to triumph over one major issue that was still pending on my list - The Assurance of Salvation.
So on to the next article.
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